Don't You Know This Won't Be Cute Forever?!?

My son is still at that adorable age when his obsessions are entertaining to those around him.  I am always hearing about how cute, fun and smart he is.  At this age, he is those things.

What people don't seem to understand is that many of those behaviors are a manifestation of his autism.  His tendency to obsess over information and share it with everyone he knows might be adorable now, but not when he is 35.  He may be forgiven for the constant interruptions at this age but, when he is always interrupting as an adult, it will be considered rude.  He is forgiven now when he cannot stop talking but, that won't work on the job.

Rarely, it is easy to forget his struggles.  He has friends that do adapt to his social struggles and play with him.  When they are playing well together, he almost seems just like the rest of them.  He's not. All I have to do is watch for a few minutes to see it.

Don't stop saying that my son is cute and smart.  He enjoys it.  But, please understand that some of those cute things that we all, including me, enjoy in him now will make his life as an adult more difficult.  Our family knows adults with autism who share some of my son's issues and I am aware of their struggles.  It breaks my heart to think of him struggling in that way.

On Not Assuming

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I assume much 

And so do You!

I thought I wasn't the type of person that assumed a lot about other people but, my son sure taught me a lesson on that one.  I certainly assumed a lot about him...I could probably write a book about it.  Perhaps in the future I will write other posts about it but, for today, I am just going to write about how we assume what someone is thinking.  We often look at how someone acts or what they are saying as a guage.  If someone is screaming at another person they are probably angry, though some get quiet when they are angry.

When it comes to autism those signals are sometimes really messed up.  I recently talked to someone who knew a child with non verbal autism and when he began to learn the rapid prompting method (it is a way to help people communicate) they found he had taught himself to read and do math.  He learned this while sitting in the kitchen as his sister did her homework.  The parents had no idea all that was going on inside his head.  Oh, and don't assume because some kids do this, that they all can.  There are kids whose receptive language skills remain that of a toddler.

Sometimes it appears as if people with "high-functioning" autism have no remorse at all when they do something wrong.  I used to assume this about my son.  I have found that it is not true at all.  For years he showed no empathy, no remorse, even laughing when he broke something or hit someone.  It turns out that he will often laugh when he is nervous or feels bad.  All those years that I felt so frustrated and hopeless at his behavior and he felt bad all along.

I still get angry when I shouldn't; assuming that he has control over certain behaviors that he does not.  I often feel guilty for my frustrations.  It is so confusing sometimes.  When do I give consequences and when do I not?  How do I know when I am just punishing him for something out of his control?  What is he getting away with that is in his control when I back off the consequences?

The point is - we shouldn't make assumptions about other people!  With 1 in 50 diagnosed with autism, chances are that you run into at least one person on the spectrum on a regular basis.  Don't assume, even when you think their behavior, their speech or lack of speech is giving you a clear indication of their thoughts.  You and I could be completely wrong.