Losing Myself

I recently had a conversation with another mom who has an only child with autism.   She told me that she was feeling like she had somehow lost herself in the her role as a mom to a child with autism.  I could totally relate; as only someone who is walking the same road can.  We discussed that many mom's probably feel that to some extent but, it seems when you have a special needs child that the feeling is magnified.  I know some mom's fall right into the role of mom with ease like they were born for it.  I know some mom's wtih really "easy" children who can take their kids anywhere, get everything done and maintain their relationships with barely a blip.  But, for all mom's, their heart changes, their priorities change...there is now this little life that is dependent on us for it's survival and their future is linked to how we raise them.

I try to make my life about more than just autism but, as my son ages and his symptoms seem to intensify, I can't help but spend more of my time focusing on autism.  Someone once mentioned to my husband that my life could not be all about autism.  I was pretty irritated!  I guess that perception comes with having a disability that people cannot always see. My son looks like every other kids his age - he is anything but.  He lives in pain from sensory issues and he lives with pretty serious anxiety that only seems to get worse as he falls further behind his peers socially.  If my child had cancer, no one would say that my life could not be about cancer.  Of course I could research and find the best ways to help my child.  If my child had a terrible orthopedic injury to his leg, who would say that my life couldn't revolve around the surgery and physical therapy that would help him walk normally again.  Those issues would effect where our family could go, what activities we could participate in, how much time I had to spend on other activities. No one would bat an eye at that.  But, when your child has "high-functioning" autism, the world cannot readily see the struggle. Will I be able to take my child to the store without a meltdown?  Will I be able to go to this family activity without my child getting too overstimulated?  How much of our family time, energy and finances are taken up with therapy?

Parents of kids with autism often struggle with their own stress, anxiety and depression. They struggle to take care of themselves and help their kids.  It is a difficult balance.  They are often tired and feel isolated.  They struggle with the guilt that comes when they think they are not doing enough for their children or when they are unable to meet their childs' needs.  All those emotions try to pull you under as you struggle to stay far enough above the water so you can parent your child.  Sometimes being an autism mom does define me.  Much of the time, I feel like I have lost myself in the daily life of parenting a child with autism.  There are times that I can push the extra responsibilities of parenting a child with autism to background for a time but, I know they are there, will always be there!

P.S. Acknowledging the extra stress and work that an autism diagnosis brings to your family does not in anyway diminish the value of the child, mean that you love them any less, think they are any less awesome or view the child as a burden!  Don't go there!