What My Son Taught Me About Judging Others

One of the most important lessons we have learned through having a child on the spectrum is how to look at others who are struggling without judging them.  The more I understand neurology, the more I get how difficult it is when your neurology is damaged or not functioning correctly in some way.

I know many people (including myself) who said "I'd never let my child behave that way in public" before they had kids, then took it back soon after they became parents....unless they had an unusually easy child.  It is even more so when your child has a disability that causes them to behave in ways that are not necessarily socially acceptable.  Some of those behaviors are just considered unusual but, many can be disruptive or appear disrespectful.

Fundamentally, I believe that if we tell people that they are not responsible for their behavior (with a few exceptions for those who really can't) because of some type of neurological problem, then we are doing them and our cultural a disservice.  But, I also believe that some people are less able to make those choices.  Be they good behavior versus bad behavior or simply making others feel comfortable by fitting into some social norm at the appropriate time and not being disruptive.

Anyway, all that to say, the more I learn about how the brain works the more understanding I am of others.  I haven't changed the standards of "right and wrong" but, I do get why some people have a more difficult time making good choices.  

And for those who might be offended about equating Autism with making bad choices, in our house that is a big deal!  We have a son who is sometimes pretty violent.  At times, he has absolutely no control over it but, often he has enough to stop with consequences.  He needs those consequences and whatever other help he can get for that issue because, if it doesn't stop, he will end up in jail as an adult for hurting someone.